This is a love story, but not the kind of love you are thinking about as you start reading this. I guess I should say a story of love, my new kind of love.

It all started the day I told my family that Yuan Tze and Melissa were coming to Brighton for a weekend workshop. It was March 2016, nearly two years to the event. I would have plenty of time to prepare: find a venue, book the venue, build the mailing lists, estimate costs, prepare flyers…

‘It sounds like you are preparing your wedding’- my daughter Lula jumped with excitement. ‘I love weddings!’ .I found myself smiling to Lula’s comment. ‘Yes’- I replied beaming with excitement too. ‘Like a wedding, how exciting!’

Days after a big question mark landed on my head. ‘Really? A wedding?’ I definitely was not marrying the main guest, Yuan Tze (yes, you can laugh) as he is already taken (wink wink to Melissa), so, who was I marrying?

I thought of the question as just a witty comment that left me the same way as it came, with innocent excitement and a sunny expression. It was going to be a great event, that’s for sure, we both agreed with very happy faces.

My daughter Lula has been practising Tian Yuan and Di Yuan for a couple of years now and though she lives in Mexico, she was determined to ask for a time off and attend the event. She’d not miss a wedding!

In this interval of two years prior to the RX event in Brighton I went along to two other ‘weddings’, one in France and one in Ireland, hosted by our lovely colleagues in these countries. All went really well in both cases and I was busy jotting down what I noticed that I needed to remember for when the time came to host it in Brighton.

As the date approached, in fact, a few months before the event, I had a meeting with Yuan Tze and Melissa at the teachers training in Rotorua and they noticed that I was a bit concerned: I was preparing it by myself –no one else in Brighton and Josse miles away in Devon- and I could feel the pressure starting to build up inside me. I guess like any bride would feel, except that I didn’t have a groom to share it with. I couldn’t hide my anxiety from YT and Melissa (it was the retreat on patterns!) and of course I ended up receiving a great message of reassurance.

Everything was going to be great. ‘Even if you only gather a few people, we are coming to see you. Don’t get stressed about it. It’d defeat the purpose.’ So I got the message. I started practising more and more Yuan Gong and feeling so good, no sign of stress anywhere.

But every so often, the question kept coming up: this is like preparing a wedding so where is the groom? Who am I marrying? Myself?

As the weeks became days and the checklist felt familiarly touched and ticked, my strength and stamina increased dramatically. I was calm, calmer than ever, I was so looking forward to it. A real joy was building inside me and no sign of groom, who cared? What I started noticing and it became more and more obvious as the date approached, was that I was feeling a lot of love.

Love came from everywhere: the people I was meeting, the messages I was receiving. Colleagues, friends, family, attendees.

By the time the weekend arrived, my heart was in pure expansion. I felt high on love with all the other qualities growing in my heart so there was no room for fear or darkness. And there were some darkish moments, let’s not pretend that everything was absolutely easy. I had to deal with people and their funny requests and reactions, but even that I approached it with the 5 xin qualities and love kept expanding throughout.

Then it all made sense. The wedding was simply and purely a celebration of love, love for my fellow life passengers, love for our lives, love for the opportunity we were given to spend time in a wonderful Qifield of wisdom and love. Very much like the one I’ve been living in ever since.

This celebration of love was new to me. I knew of unconditional love for my kids and my family, and extending this growing quality to my friends and people I know, like clients and students. And suddenly I felt my heart opening so much more, I could feel love for the people I had just met for the very first time. I had helped people come to the celebration (the famous ‘wedding’) and that made me feel loads and loads of love. And it was just wonderful. I realised that this is the love I like to feel.

So Q’eers to this discovery. To my new kind of love. I trust we share it too.

Carmen Dolz

October 2018

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