The pattern of self-blame has been a huge one for me to work through. Even gaining clarity to see it as a pattern has been a lot of work. Tong Yuan and working on the patterns has been so helpful. I’ve had a particular focus on polarised thinking and overgeneralisation recently, and had a really big realisation. The opportunity to confront this pattern of self-blame arose in a big way recently through a life situation. Much to my frustration I found myself step by step walking back into the old pattern and feeling worse and worse, even though I knew this was unnecessary for the situation and everything and everyone was actually very good.
By keeping on working with the Xin qualities (the essential qualities of the heart – trust, openness, love, gratitude and Gongjing, respect) and trying to see and keep the bigger picture in mind, I came to realise one way my consciousness was operating. Although I already knew this, somehow I reached a depth where I really came to meet it. It’s changed not only a pattern, but a way that my consciousness works. It’s simple, but a lot of work to get there :-).
Instead of saying to myself “What did I do wrong?”, I’ve changed to “What do I need to learn from this?” This has brought me so much freedom and peace, and allowed the Wu Xin (trust, openness, love, gratitude and respect) I had for everyone and the situation to flow from my heart, instead of being trapped in there. It’s allowing space for the pattern of negativity to change as well. So much from working on these two patterns.
If self-blame is something you’re working on, I really wanted to share with you that there is hope to get out of it and life can be so much brighter and happier and filled with a sense of safety, security, autonomy and self-control. It’s bringing me the freedom to really thoroughly enjoy my life in a way I’ve not experienced before. It’s taken a lot of work, and many many tears to break through this one, but it’s possible. I’ve done it, and I know you can too.